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Lexie Keeps Moving

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I also had crush on people and I did cry because I feel hurt. But I’m getting better at bouncing back and not blaming myself for not being good enough to be liked enough. I wanted to be cold and numb but that’s not me so maybe I will continue to do what I do best - having feels for people then getting hurt (just kidding God plz I really mean this as a joke) I’m gonna try to open up to people who actually like me enough and not shut people out. Really don’t like it when people say this is gonna be my year because I never like the disappointment if the expectation is too high. Just wanna spend more time with people I love and less time working. Learn something new whatever that is. Have some good sex ( no like mind-blowing ones). Cook more not like meal prep but big meals. Learn to take care of my family better. Stay healthy and active. Learn to ask for help. Open to the idea of driving but first find an emergency contact in LA. Be brave. Every year I say I don’t know where I will be next year because as an international person in the U.S. you really don’t know lol but I guess I kind of wanna be in LA for sometime but yeah maybe I will be happy anywhere unless you know someone who’s up for green card marriage (just kidding no this is not really a joke DM me) Oh maybe make less jokes in 2020? Really want to be sexy not hilarious this year. But you love me for my brains right? Wrote this while I’m slightly tipsy so that’s a wrap.🙂 #2019 #2020

Wasn’t really feeling a yearly wrap up but now I’m suddenly in the mood so why not. My close friend said that it’s almost impossible to feel complacent in your early 20s with everyone doing so much awesome shit and you seem to have nothing. As an Asian Capricorn type A person, I’ve lived in the shadow I created for myself of “I’m never good enough” but I’ve learned to appreciate my efforts more often. I guess I did do some stuff this year. I graduated. I wanted to move from NY to LA so I got a job that made it happen. I wanted to change my job and I did. I moved 4 times, house hunted, put together all my furniture and lived pretty well. I started writing for my fav media and became a favorite byline writer. I guess I’m pretty adaptive and independent and except for minor breakdowns once again I confirm that maybe I can be happy living anywhere by myself. Sometimes I wonder if not needing anyone’s help is a bad thing and does that make me seem cold and distant and maybe independence is a bad thing cuz people may think you are cocky and just don’t want to be with you. Other times small things like this make me believe that maybe I could do anything I want. But what I really want to do that’s still worth exploring and so far the exploratory route isn’t so boring. I love my life in LA so much but there are also times when I feel lonely which is weird cuz I feel lonely rarely but maybe that’s what LA does to you. As I find the best person to confide to in the entire city is my Tinder match and felt instantly ok after a deep hug (thanks btw). You ask me what my tattoo means it’s the stuff growing next to the palm trees in Santa Monica, that’s kind of like me cuz I never really try to fit in here but the beach is for everybody and lying on the beach always makes me feel better. But nonetheless I made some good friends that don’t want me to crush my bike and are up for a hike anytime. See next one because I talk too much

梧桐树下的生活气= 我的上海 See u in the summer?

Tacky Christmas tree is the best Christmas tree 🎄

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